August 21, 2005

See Ya, Mon!

Rockhouse Villa Negril
Originally uploaded by goodsista.
Well, Carmen Electra I'm not, but I'm off to Jamaica for a fab-o wedding and holiday anyway. See ya on the flip side...

Proud of My Nathan

Anyone who was ever a good babysitter loves to watch her "kids" grow up. When one goes astray, said babysitter can't help but feel a little accountable. It's in the cards, and it's hard to get over that "what did I do wrong raising ___?" playing in your head.

I did have one child who went astray, and her little brother is still a little lost because of it, but all in all I have a fantastic record. And it was such a pleasure to have that re-inforced tonight.

Yesterday I made a call to Bad Seed's Mom who continues to be a close friend of mine, just to check in on her upcoming life change, and a young man answered the phone.

Me: Is this "_______?" (Mom's son, AKA little brother of the aforementioned Bad Seed)
YM's voice: No, it's Nathan.
Me: Nathan ________???
YM: Yeah!
Me: It's Gertie!
YM: No way! Holy cow!

Summary: Nathan is another boy I babysat, along with his 2 younger brothers. He's 21 now. Apparantly he has been in the area and staying with the Mom while making a documentary during school break. He's in film school.

Since he goes back to school at the end of next week and (as I haven't said it enough already) I'm off to Jamaica, today was the only day we could meet up. He came to SF to meet me for dinner and WOW! What a handsome guy. And headed in a good direction. All those things that made him an adorable and impossible as a child are still there, tucked under a new maturity, and strangely working for him. He's affable, smart, a born salesman (thanks to his dad) and surprisingly unaware that he should have more confidence in how he is perceived by women.

We were both a little mesmorized by each other at first. We couldn't stop staring, probably because we both look the same but better. You know what I mean? He's all grown up, and I actually know how to dress and what to do with my hair now. We were mutually surprised.

I realized half way through that he still needs me to babysit him. Correction: I still need to babysit him. Now it's time for me to give him dating tips (the one today: "Hey, I'm European. That's how we do [/see/feel about] it."). Although, I think the "handsome, shy, not confident with women" current approach probably works for just fine.

I'm proud of my Nathan!

August 15, 2005


A "wise" woman I work with speaks in cliches. It's mostly annoying, but it's also fascinating. She does it no matter the topic. Once she asked me if I had a boyfriend, and I told her about Long Distance Guy, who is more a cyber-boyfriend than a real one at this point, and she replied: "People who have long distance relationships live in fear of loving and being loved." Thanks. Fuck you! Are you right? That makes me feel inadequate. Ever since then, I almost fear attempting a conversation with her. Then again, I'm quite fascinated.

Cliche came to my running club on Saturday morning, and ended up in my minute/mile group. In small talk, which she ALWAYS makes big, I told her how impressed I was with our colleague who had just run a marathon without really training. This common act threw her into virtual cliche chaos. "Colleague has run several marathons before," she said. (Enter Cliche #1: Muscle Memory) Once your body has done an incredible feat, it remembers and can do it again. Do you know what Colleague did? (Enter Cliche #2: Visualize) She excercised her brain. She took out the route map every day and memorized it. She knew every mile of that race, every block, and she visualized herself running every step. (enter Cliche #3: It's All in Your Head) The mind is a powerful thing; it can make you or break you."

We went on for some time, running and me receiving cliches interspersed in normal conversation, and I was feeling more or less as if I am not living up to my potential. I burned her after the 3 mile mark, and for the next 3 miles I couldn't help but think that, somewhere along my road from childhood to 33, I had lost a significant amount of confidence.

For a long period of my life I felt I was destined for greatness. As a child I interviewed myself while taking a bath, using Barbie as a microphone, practicing for when I was so great that people wanted to interview me. In fact, I was sure that my big compassion and my little frame were going to end the Cold War. Back then and for several years thereafter, people told me I was a dynamic person. In college, my landlord told me he wished people could invest in people instead of the stock market, because he'd most certainly invest in me. All this fueled my ego and confirmed my belief in my destiny.

Trouble was, I didn't see the path to get there. I didn't even realize I needed a plan, I just assumed success.

A 5 year stint at a Fortune 500 company, in other words Life Itself, began to slowly erase greatness from my mind. F-5 probably started tearing away at it from day one, but hey, just because I'm smart doesn't mean I'm not naive. I thought I was supposed to be an international business powerhouse.

Since F-5, Life Itself has continued to put me through spin cylce. I've had to realize and accept that there are actually people I encounter on this earth who are smarter than me (imagine!), and as much as I can respect that, it also makes my confidence fold at times. After all, if there are people smarter than me, how can I still be exceptional? Every once in a while, Life Itself stops to let the water drain, and a big WTF about where my life and my destiny for greatness meet enters my mind.

Now I work for myself. It's one of the clarities that has come from the pause. My boss is really cool. But you know what she forgot to do? She forgot to visualize the path. She sees the success of the company, she sees how that success will allow her to travel when she's not too busy, she sees the ease of paying the bills. But she forgot to take out the route map every day, and she doesn't know every step it will take to finish. Damn that Cliche. Or bless her, I don't know which.

August 13, 2005

Do I Look Like Carmen Electra Yet?

body goal
Originally uploaded by goodsista.
I know most of you have been up nights wondering if I will look like my body goal girl - Carmen Electra - for my Jamaican vacation in one week.

Well, you can go on back to worrying about American troops in Iraq and skyrocketing oil prices (fyi my gas is now $2.99/gallon), because the answer is a resounding NO.

Doesn't mean I'm not happy with the changes, though oddly enough none of them have been on the scale. I know it's muscle replacing fat, but still I probably shouldn't have eaten almost an entire box of Cheez-Its yesterday.

Body news aside, nothing much new is happening:
I accidentally sat on a snail the other night. That was gross.
I spilled an entire grande coffee on the counter of the carwash place, and I mean entire. I hadn't consumed more than 3 sips.
I picked up the latest issue of Cosmo because I was interested in seeing what the "50 Ways to Be a Better Girlfriend" are so I can store them away for when I happen to have a boyfriend. Turns out, disappointingly, that the areticle was just advice quotes from girls all over the nation, ranging from 19 to 37. Lame.
I am wondering if I am the only one who spends more money preparing FOR a trip than during the trip itself (excluding trips to fashion capitals). Today I seemed to find it extremely important to have "island poolside jewelry." When I got home I realized I now require a couple cute pairs of sandals that will accentuate the poolside jewelry, and vice versa.
I like some of the jewelry so much, I am wearing a new chunky "poolside perfect" bracelet right now. What do you mean it doesn't go with my polarfleece hoodie?

August 08, 2005

Fire! Fire! The Aftermath

Okay, remember how Cloud 9 I was after the bonfire? Well, I have a feeling that fires won't be allowed on the beach for much longer.

Yesterday morning I was awakened bright and early, which we all know I don't like very much, by the sweetest old yeller of a dog, who was gently knocking at the hardwood floor with his tail.

Actually, I like it when I am up early, I just don't like to WAKE UP early. So already up and at 'em, I fed him and decided to take him to the beach. We arrived at 7:45 on Sunday morning, and I couldn't believe my eyes. The beach was trashed. Garbage everywhere, improperly doused fires (meaning they weren't completely doused), and food lying around that only Old Yeller could see, making our trip down to the water quite a workout.

Once you got down near the water, you couldn't see the trash anymore. But the tide was low, and it was a miserable sight to see getting to the water and heading back up to the car. I'm going to put a Missed Connection on Craigslist for the assholes that soiled our beach, but I doubt it will change any future behavior. That totally sucks.

August 02, 2005

published and counting down

Well, I don't have any great stories to relate but I know there are a few of you out there that like to check in and see what's going on.

On the New Business front, things are beginning to move. I am closing in on one year in New Business and the excitement of the first deal has waned, since the first deal has yet to appear. But things are happening here, we're closing in, and crossing fingers and praying and begging that the first deal will be in the super near future.

In other news I am published, however in no big way. I am a new member of my SF neighborhood's community advocate group, which puts out a bi-monthly newsletter to the 'hood about the 'hood (also good for New Business!), and I offered to write an article on the newest kid on the block: a surf shop. The newsletter came out today, and there I was!

Big City Name: also in the newsletter it showed the minutes from last month's Board meeting, which I attended. The minutes pleasantly announced I was invited to join the Board! So you may just be reading words from the newest member of the Cole Valley Improvement Association. My first task will be to get us classified as a 501(c)3 organization, so we can accept donations. Hoo-ha! I love researching that kind of shit. Look out, San Francisco, I'm getting active.

Speaking of active, I've been kicking up my half-marathon training. Not adding more days, which is probably hurting me, but making the 2 runs each week further, faster, longer. Ran 6.5 on Sunday and a fast 5 today, with 8 planned for Saturday. I'll take the 8 pretty slow, since it will be my longest run ever.

The count down is on for the vacation, which is more of the reason hard-ass running than the half marathon. To be honest, I know I won't transform in the next 3 weeks into Carmen Electra, but a girl can try. Next week I will start doing full-on body prep to doll myself up and make the vacation easier to handle, such as tanning sessions to prevent burning and scaring the rest of the vacationers who might think I am a Finnish albino. Also on the calendar is the all important bikini wax, cleaning up the haircut, a mani-pedi and scouring all the surf shops in SF for the Best Bikini Ever (for which no expense will be spared).

As the vacation was not my choice, but rather a wedding invitation I was happy to accept, I am also in charge of procuring the garter for the bride. In case you were wondering, if you ever attempt to find a garter in Australia, you will find, as this bride has, that they are all frilly and blue. Frilly and blue happens to be absolutely unacceptable, so I am on task.

I know this is not the most amusing post I've ever written. But whatever. Thought you might like to know what's up.