Bad Gas

Most of my girlfriends are pregnant and about to squeeze out their first kids. Although there are many aspects of growing a baby that amaze me, one of the most intriguing is a woman's ability to change what she eats. All of the sudden, a woman will change her diet to give her body the best fuel for optimum performance. Like athletes, pregnant women instantaneously realize that their bodies are machines, and that the right fuel is what leads to making it to the finish line on top.

Now, I don't eat horribly, but I do tend to err on the empty calorie side. I give my machine bad gas! I would barely even call it fuel. I often chide myself for my poor eating, and vow to eat more fruits and veggies, but I never seem to get around to changing my habits.

Anyway, last night I was thinking about this pregnancy and diet thing, and wondered why accountability to someone else is so often what makes people really follow through with change. Why isn't accountability to oneself enough? It's certainly not for me. If I were asked to list my strengths, will power wouldn't be on it. What drives me to continue my dangerous indulgences when I know they are destroying the machine? It's not money; if money were an issue, I'd be saving myself a lot by reducing my alcohol consumption, quitting smoking, and squashing my addiction to Swiss chocolate bars. Which I consume one or twice a week, by the way - more than any non-Swiss really needs.

It is truly odd to me that I require some other important person in my life in order to do something I should be doing anyway. When I received a kiss from a guy I had been drooling over for years, I floated home, and for weeks after I flossed every day. EVERY DAY! Just like the dentist says! Why? Because I wanted to have the most perfect mouth for him. How weird is that?

Then there's this: "If my boyfriend doesn't smoke and doesn't like me smoking, then I will quit." Hello! Why am I waiting for an "if-then" statistical scenario to stop damaging the machine?!

And you know what? I ask myself this question almost every night between lights out and nodding off. And it never makes a damn bit of difference. So I guess I'll either need to get a boyfriend, get pregnant, or get with the program for MYSELF, or this machine is going to run out of gas, and kick it early.