I have cramps. Is it ok to swallow down 2 Midol with a Coors Light? I didn't think so. But I just did anyway. I'd swallow a 3rd one to expedite and elongate the benefits, but I'm fresh out.
Speaking of cramps, my sister-in-law has unknowingly had me crazed for the past 5 days. Now, she's a sweet girl (and I say girl 'cuz anyone under 49.5 is a girl in my book, but yes, she's a couple years my senior), but one thing about her is her totally unabashed brainwave-to-mouth vocalization of her thoughts. Basically, she thinks something then says it, before she even assesses whether it's appropriate or not.
Now, I don't have a problem with her process, or lack thereof, at all - I used to have the same problem, and still do from time to time. But let's dash back to my visit with her a few days before I went to Jamaica.... (enter dreamscape/going back in time music)
I was under a rapid-fire pre-Jamaica Q&A session: was I excited about seeing Dutchy? What did I think would happen? What if it didn't happen as planned? Did I get a new bathing suit? Oh My God! You waxed WHAT?! Was it painful? So when does Dutchy arrive? What if you get pregnant in Jamaica?
(SKREACH! WTF??)
Me: Jesus, Sis-In-Law, that's not going to happen.
SIL: Well! It could! You never know!
Me: SIL!
SIL: Nothing's 100% fool proof!
End of discussion.
(Back to Present, er, well, 5 days ago. Er, well, maybe a day or two before 5 days ago)
So there I was, back from Jamaica, still revelling in the bliss of super-hot-humid-romantic days. And then a particularly monthly thought entered my head: what day am I getting my period again? And I calc'ed back, tried to estimate. But I've never been good at math, or rather, I tire of it before figuring out whether I need addition, subtraction, long division or a serious equation, and I dropped it, figuring I was in good shape. After all, I'm amazingly regular.
A day or two later I started getting the signs. A ping here, a dire need for carbs and sweets there, the tenderness we all know in the breastesses. And then a panic struck. Tenderness in the breastesses? Well! That's a telltale sign of being prego! And what if the pings and cravings can all be traced back to prego as well?! How the hell should I know? I've never been prego before. Normally, I wouldn't think this way. Mainly because Dutchy is in Amsterdam and no one's fish can swim THAT far, but also because these are without a doubt typical symptoms of PMS. And we used protection. The fear factor came from a new and very disturbing varient symptom: nausea. Not only have I had PMS the past 4 days, but every so often throughout each day a little wave of feelin' sick. That combined with Sis-In-Law's innocent words threw my over the edge.
The good news, of course, in all of this, is that I am on the Midol train, so the worry is over. But I have to have a talk with Sis-In-Law, 'cuz Dutchy is supposed to be visiting in 5 weeks, and I don't want her freaking me out again.
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