There's a thing, a thing that happens when you finally start not being a child anymore. [ed note: I'm WAY past that. And then again, not.] What happens is, you view your parents as People. You may love, admire, admonish or despise them. But you finally see that they are also human beings, that they had or still have hopes and dreams and aspirations, an affinity for the arts, creativity or mathematics, physics, science, etc., etc. and WHOA! They are just like other people in the world out there - except for the fact that they are your parents.
And most times, the things that your parents as People wanted and dreamt of that went unfulfilled, they wanted you to have the opportunity for. With hope, you realized this when you finally grew up, and can accept all that crazy shit you think they put you through when they tried to "raise" you.
See that? It's no simple phrase. I see now very clearly, after living in a highly urban and immigrant city, that the meaning of "raising children" is not only synonymous with helping them get bigger, but also means to raise them to what one could have hoped to be. Of course, you can challenge me on this, I see many interpretations, but this is the one sticking right now.
The realization that your parents are not just your parents does not come without its own burden. After all, the things they may have hoped for themselves that didn't materialize, whether verbalized or not, were set upon you. Conversely, when they are no longer Spring Chickens, and you are officially categorized as such, if you are like me, you want to ease the burden of raising you that they have carried now for the two or three decades. (Because, quite frankly, most don't stop till they are dead).
Example: I cannot possibly go to one of my parents' parties anymore, that I so reveled in and danced tip-toe upon as a young child, without personally hiring myself as the designated catering/clean-up crew. If it's one thing I've learned from being raised by my parents, it's how to throw an absolutely smashing party. But I've also learned that, to throw one, the host exhausts him or her or both themselves completely, and comes away with a dirty kitchen and no quality time with any of the guests. Because I love them so dearly, because I know the sacrifice and dedication and pride they took in raising me, I try as much to ease them on the party-management/clean-up side as I can. No fun affair, but I take pleasure in seeing them interact with and enjoy their guests. And so it is a very rare occasion that I revel or dance at my parents' "ragers" anymore, and all the more preferable to me to see them reveling and dancing instead of manning the cheese plate.
For parents, however, you are always their Children. Your personality is known from Day One. They watch and attempt to guide you through your youth and adolescence, and then you go. You go off into the big big world, even if it's in the same town. You are INDEPENDENT of them, and that's a big deal. The funny thing is, I think, that parents know before you go off to college or a job or whatever, that you are already gone. You were already your own person before you left. By 16 at the most, your die is cast. Fumble then succeed, or succeed then fumble, ever fumble or even better ever succeed, situate your self as an imprint of one or both of them, stagnate or go up or down the tubes, the make-up of You is there minus any genetics or hope or good child rearing on their part. It goes without saying that good child rearing is important, but at the end of the day "good child rearing" is just "mimic me but achieve more." Parents are housing You and making every attempt to give you the right advice before you are permanently out the door. And that is a difficult secret to know of all along. That is a difficult pill to swallow, indeed.
So what the heck is this post all about? Well, if you must know, I watched Thumbsucker tonight, and thank God it is a film that makes you think and feel [about these things]. I won't give anything away here, and although it's a bit drawn out, it dives into all the aforementioned dynamics of family; all of the aches and pains and joys of being a family unit are analyzed, and most especially, each individuals' search and understanding of happiness and purpose. Purpose. The Ultimate Question for the human.
On a final and totally non-sequential note, regardless of his attempts to broaden himself as an actor, Keanu Reeves will always be stagnant and boring but good-looking Keanu Reeves. Is that really enough to keep reeling us in to his films? To be honest, I didn't know he was in Thumbsucker. And it a) didn't improve the film and b) didn't make me any more happy about renting it.
P.S. If you haven't figured it out already, I am thoroughly intrigued and thoroughly in love with my family, dynamics and all.
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