What About Dan?

I once read a Victorian-era novel in which one of the characters was described to be “in his hobbledy-hood.” Meaning, the young man was awkward in his skin. Too young for his tall stature and not comfortable in confidence, the young man took a back seat in the eyes of his crush as far as suitors were concerned. His pleasant demeanor was noticed by both her and her family, but nothing much else.

A dear friend of mine has often questioned me about Dan. Almost 2 years younger, almost 2 feet taller, and as good a man as you can get, he is a friend I made in college. I’ve introduced his family to my family, and they’ve always loved each anothers’ company. He and I know each other’s goals, insecurities and passions. He’s called me at 2 am bawling his eyes out. His mom loves the hell out of me and at one point begged me to marry him. So why aren’t we together, one would ask? Hell, he even asked me that himself, the night of my college graduation party.

Since reading that forgettable, un-named novel, “in his hobbledy-hood” is how I have always thought of Dan: well done in the social and civic demeanor, rather well-versed in wines and the world, yet terribly raw in the “comfortable in one’s own skin” department. I’ve never seen him as attractive; always simply awkward and positively delightful in his outlook on life.

This past Thanksgiving, as usual, my mom requested I run to the store for something. When I got back I saw Dan’s car parked in front of the house. I smiled, because that’s how is: he knows my family, everyone feels as if he’s part of it, and quite frankly, the man is spontaneous. So, on his way back to whence he had come, he realized he could stop in on us. And he did.

When I saw Dan I was comforted by his familiar and easy presence. But there was something different about him. His “hobbeldy-hood” was… well, quite frankly, disappearing! That’s right. He was filling out. The awkwardness and lack of confidence was gone. Just like in the book!

Now, I know that it is a silly thing for a woman to live her life pinned on the examples she has read in novels and seen on the big screen. But I will be one of the first to admit that I do (which is probably why I am still single). Seriously, my ideals on love and relationships are screwed up, thanks to fiction and movies. And so on rare occasion, in a pathetic, quiet voice, I sometimes ask myself: “what about Dan?”

I know what you’re thinking, because I think it myself (in fact, this whole blog is turning into a “single, single me” blog – YUCK). You’re thinking that I sometimes think that about Dan because I want to be in a relationship and have no prospects. After all, women always fall back on some guy on the “possible but not preferable” list. We fall back on it when there are no other viable possibilities for marriage - it’s an issue that harkens back to the days of Spinsterhood. [Wow, I could go off on a tangent post on that alone!]

However, I am only writing about Dan because I will see him and his entire family next weekend, and I called him yesterday to tell him it is going to be fun, fun, fun. It was then I started to think again about his “hobbledy-hood,” and how it is disappearing, and realized it was one of those rare moments when I think “what about Dan?” I am pretty confident that I will still consider him just a great, close friend, extended family of sorts. After all, after 9 years Dan’s crush on me may well have diminished, and one from me for him has yet to surface.