It's funny. How scars move.
Have you noticed?
I was born with holes in my neck. Yes holes; 3 of them. Apparently, they were more like gills. I've tried and tried to figure this out, to get some sort of medical explanation, both through my mom and through Google, but I have just never gotten a straight answer from either of them. I can easily claim that these "gills" haven't had any effect whatsoever on my life, regardless of their mystery.
What my mom has told me, is where the scars were physically when I was born, which is not where they are now. Now, they are low, near the nape of my neck. When I was born they were closer to my chin.
So I know that as a body grows and skin adapts, so do its scars.
The relativity? I was just looking at a photo someone took of me last night. The photo captures part of my face and most of the length of my left arm. On which I have a scar (from a tick bite, but that's another story). When I examined the photo more closely tonight, I couldn't see said scar. I zoomed in; still no scar. Sitting in front of the computer, I took off my sweater and thoroughly examined my arm. OK, now I KNOW I got a tick bite in high school. I've explained the odd non-mole-bump to a number of people who have noticed it. But it wasn't there. I searched and searched, and finally I found it. It was on the other arm. Woops.
Anyway, there was an astonishing parallel in the routine. Recently I have been questioning the status quo of a relationship. The abundance of affection and desire which was present in the beginning has morphed in the past months, disappeared even. I have wondered where it all went. I've been questioning; secure in one moment and emotionally dissolved in the next. Every once in a while, I am convinced it is still there. But in the most introspective of moments I don't see it, and that makes me wonder. So basically, for the past few weeks, I have been absolutely tormented.
And then, after searching for the tick scar (in conjunction with a little astroligical rehab, but I digress), I had my "Oprah 'Ah-Ha' Moment." There is nothing to figure out here, in the relationship; it has just moved. Adapted. Changed. Do I like where it is now? No. I'm a Cancer after all, and what this is isn't good for me. I can't give to one who is present one minute and restless and unavailable the next. Ever moving, just a little bit like a scar.
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